Episode 81

Graham Trent, who had until now not given any indication that he was listening, turned to face the trio in the corner and barked, 'What's all the fuss about ? It was only a dog !'   Fiona Morgan gripped Fred Ricketts tighter around the shoulders. It was not to comfort him more, but to stop the old man getting off his stool to hit Trent. As soon as the words had left Trent's mouth she had felt Fred stiffen and begin to move towards the Editor of Ealham On the Net. The old man stared at Trent and snarled, 'Yew want to shut your mouth. I know you're up to no good...and yew shut up about my old dog !' Yaxley Farcett stepped in between the two men. He put his face close to Trent's. So close he could smell the pints of 'Velocity' lager and cheese and onion crisps on the other mans breath. 'I suggest you just shut up and watch the game' hissed Farcett. 'I'll speak to you later about all this'.

Trent gave Yaxley a dismissive half smile and replied. 'Speak away Sewage Policeman. I've nothing to hide. I personally think you'd be better off having a word with your chubby mate over there- Brian Wierdington. Did you know that's what the locals call the Worthington's ?' Yaxley turned and looked across at Brian, John and young Darren, who were still engrossed in the FA Cup Final. He remembered Su's chat about his morning walks and some of Brian's more eccentric behaviour and wondered...just wondered.

Fiona stayed with Fred as he sipped his whisky and explained the circumstances of his dogs death to her. She had known Fred since childhood and had often visited with her dad, Cedric, when he had first moved to the area and had toured all the neighbourhood, 'pressing the flesh' in his efforts to get elected. Fred had always been a willing host and he had been back again and again to hear his stories. Yaxley gave Trent a final glare before easing past the back row of chairs to get to the side of Brian Worthington. He knelt down beside Brian just as play had stopped and a concerned physiotherapist rushed onto the pitch.  'Oh dear..another bloody perm's fallen out' laughed Clunch before finishing his Latest pint.

'Got a minute, Brian ?' asked Yaxley. Brian frowned and said 'Yeah, looks like they'll be a few minutes getting his hair right. I need a pee'.

The two men negotiated the various stools, armchairs and beanbags that littered the area in front of the TV and made their way to the toilet. Yaxley wondered if anyone would raise an eyebrow, because men do. It's perfectly normal for women to leap up in tandem and grab their handbags before heading loo-wards but with the male species it's different. We have to subtly guess when our drinking buddies are reaching the full bladder line. It's ok to go a minute after a mate or even several steps behind, but to actually go 'together' is to invite months of derision from your peers. They reached the toilet door as Jak Jackson came out. He winked at Brian and said 'Helping the policeman with his enquiries are you Bri ?' and gave him a dirty grin. (See I told you). The next male dilemma was where to stand. The Urinal Decision. The general rule is that you stand as far away as possible from the nearest person. Problems arise when it's a three-piece set and the two outer stands are taken. It takes a big man to wade into the middle, unleash the chipolata and shout afternoon in a deep voice to your new widdling companions. Why don't we have lots of cubicles, like the girls ??

Yaxley and Brian had no such problems to sort out. The toilet was empty and there were only two urinals. No decision necessary. They went about their business and Brian asked what was wrong. He wasn't looking at Yaxley while he said it, however. He was staring, eyestrainingly forward at the tile in front of his eyes. Rule 2 is that you never, never make eye to eye contact while 'mid-stream' (not in the toilets I use anyway). Yaxley broke the rule and attempted to catch Brian's eye. He had to make do with his left ear. 'Brian....I think you've been lying to me'.