Clive Lancaster was pinned to the Railway line by a twenty five stone Saddleback pig. The pig was breathing deeply and emitting a tooth grinding snore which did not bode well for his early release. He lifted his face from the rail and saw the signalman, Jim Bullock leaning against the signalbox wall. "Help !" he pleaded. Jim suddenly pushed himself away from the wall and rushed over to Lancaster. 'Oh Christ !', he wailed. 'We've got two dozen bloody pigs here to shift and the only help I've got is trapped under one of 'em. Brilliant !' As Jim Bullock and Clive Lancaster stared at each other there came a series of loud bangs. The driver of the Royal Train threw the brakes on and there was an ear shattering squeal of metal on metal as the engine tried to come to a halt.
Meanwhile, the convoy of cars, bikes and mopeds were flying down Cauliflower Drove just as the explosions went off. Fiona Morgan was the first to reach the crossing, followed by Johnny Swift. Fiona and Yaxley Farcett leapt out of her Mini Metro and joined Jim Bullock beside the postrate form of Clive Lancaster. They were soon joined by the rest of the Skaters Run regulars that had made the trip down the Drove. 'At least you managed to stop the train in time' mentioned Yaxley, hoping to make Jim Bullock feel better.
Yaxley had noticed, even in the moonlight, that Jim wasn't looking too well. 'That's a good thing isn't it ?' he asked. 'Just imagine what would have happened if it had ploughed through this lot'. Jim Bullock turned to Farcett and said with a shakey voice 'Hev you got your badge bor ? I think you ought to be the one to speak to 'er'. Jim then explained to the still beer fuddled Farcett that, not two hundred yards away, sat the Queen. She was probably already wondering what the delay was and it would be better if an officer of the law explained the reason, rather than a humble KwickTrak employee. Yaxley took off his baseball hat and rubbed his face with hands. The Quangleroot, Threaknecks and the rest were starting to take their toll now he was out in the fresh air. 'Yeah, s'pose I'd better. I am the responsible one here' he said before stumbling off in the direction of the train.
The rest of the assembled 'helpers' began the task of rolling the pigs off the crossing and onto the side of the the track. Special care was taken with the one that was still holding Clive Lancaster hostage. 'Thank you, thank you. I thought I was going to die there for a bit' he said with relief. 'Yew shunt 'a run yew daft bugger' said Clunch Parsons. 'Should a stared 'em out, shunt e' Hummer'. Lancaster glared at Parsons. 'Stared them out ! Didn't you see the things chasing me through the street. They were incensed ! I couldn't do anything but run !' Clunch turned to Hummer and said 'What would yew hev done Hummer, if they'd come for yew like that ?' Hummer Thompson's bottom lip stuck out and he removed his cap to scratch his head. 'Ider stared 'em out Cluncher. Stared the buggers out. Stood my ground and stared 'em out. Bloody townies allus run when a pigs arter 'em' 
