As Clive Lancaster ran full pelt along Main street, Barnham, with approximately twenty five Saddleback pigs in hot pursuit, he couldn't help but think his wife was right. She had urged him not to go for a last drink as it would upset his delicate constitution so close to bedtime. He had been strolling along, taking the warm spring night air when he had heard the increasing volume of the incensed pigs as they turned into Main Street from Suters Lane. When the leading pig saw Lancaster, it seemed to find a suitable object for the collective anger that he and his porcine pals were currently in the grip of. Finding himself in a difficult situation, Clive's mind became a blank, and rather than climb a tree or jump on a garage roof, he just ran and made the pigs even more upset. It was as he passed the Skaters Run and saw the face of Brian Worthington at the open door and the silhouettes of many more behind him that he accepted he was in grave danger. He had read how sows would occasionally kill their young and he was aware of the damage that twenty five of them could do. Clive Lancaster had desperately wanted to be accepted in Barnham. He tried to wear all the right clothes, do all the right things and speak the right words, but still he sensed that the villagers ridiculed him when he was out of earshot. 'Ten years' he thought, 'Ten bloody years and they still call me a 'townie''. It was as a thirty year old that he and his wife Gail had moved to The Isle of Ealham from Milton Keynes. Lancaster had just passed his accountancy exams and had been taken on as a junior partner with 'Bugg, Milton & Creech' of Patterson Lane, Ealham. Since then, he had been made a full partner after the death of old Thomas Bugg, the founder of the firm and Gail had given birth to Kieva only nine months previously following their three week holiday to the Ukraine.
As he continued his escape along Main Street he gave a despairing look to Brian Worthington for him to do something. Lancaster seemed convinced that Brian was actually grinning and held out no hope of being saved. Brian, however, saw his brothers pigs as a large sum of money heading for a potentially fatal encounter with either the River Snare or the ten past eleven train to Kings Lynn. He turned his head into the pub and shouted "C'mon you lot, gis an 'and. 'Ol Bomber has upset our John's pigs somehow ! Less git gooin' !!" From out of the pub spilled all the people who had previously been enjoying the Karaoke. This seemed much more fun though. Fiona Morgan rushed to her Mini Metro and quickly pushed Yaxley Farcett into the passenger seat before climbing behind the wheel, Johnny Swift brought his Suzuki pick up to the front and helped Jak, Fleur and Su climb onto the back, Mick Brawdmore and his progressive rock pals jumped aboard their mopeds and followed behind. Bringing up the rear, were Hummer and Clunch. Parsons had climbed on Hummer's bike and shouted at his friend to "Git on and hold on tight".
And so the parade continued inexorably towards either Water or Rail; Clive Lancaster, The Pigs and the regulars of The Skaters Run.........And aboard the eleven ten to Kings Lynn, scheduled to stop at Downham Market, with a car waiting to take her to Sandringham for a weekend of relaxation, sat her Majesty, The Queen.
