Gary Tweedy's van was just sinking below the surface of the River Snare as Yaxley Farcett and Brian Worthington made it to the bank. They slipped and slithered their way up the slubby side of the bank until they were laying on the grass at the side of the road, moaning to themselves. Yaxley took off his baseball cap and shook it furiously to get the weeds and slime off and looked down at his soaking clothes. 
Brian Worthington, sitting only feet away from him was looking stunned. He had a similar expression on his face to that of Mr.Toad after he had been run over by the car. Yaxley, fully expected him to say 'Parp Parp !' Brian's mouth opened and closed a couple of times before saying 'So, it were her that killed Reg then ?' Yaxley squeezed his cap back on his head and replied, 'Well, not necessarily Brian. She might just have seen me by the phone box and thought she'd finish what she started yesterday'. 'Bit of a bloody coincidence if yew ask me' said Brian gruffly, 'Anyway, shouldn't we be getting over to Ealham to take that box in for a check....' No sooner had the words left his mouth than both the men were staring at the bubbles which were now popping on the surface of the water where the van had done it's impression of the Titanic. 'Bugger' shouted Yaxley.
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A FEW WORDS ABOUT SLUB
A FEW WORDS ABOUT SLUB
People from far flung corners of the world may not have come across the word 'slub' before. They may be wondering what this strange stuff can be. The side of the bank was very slubby indeed, as Yaxley and Brian have just discovered. Indeed, Yaxley almost slid back into the river. It was only the fact that Brian grabbed his hand that he did not rejoin the van in the water. If you live in the Fens, Slub plays a major part in your every day life from about October through to April. If an advertising team were to try to market it, I suspect they would label it as 'MUDMAX !!' It is simply mud. But not townie mud. Not a little portion stuck to the heel of a well polished brogue. Fen slub is 'stuck to the bloomin' ankle in your wellies and every time you try to pull your foot up the soddin' boot starts to come off and then you're standing there on one bloody leg hoping you don't topple over and have to put your nice dry sock into the bloody stuff because you don't want to hev to go back to the house and bloody change do yew'.....sort of mud.
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'Bugger, Bugger, Bugger' shouted Yaxley. 'We've got to get that speech gizmo checked out. It's all we've got to go on so far'. Brian stood up and started to wipe himself down, weeds and slub hanging off the arms of his jacket. 'What about the car she were drivin' Yaxley. There can't be
many Fiat 'Lasagnes' about these parts. I've only ever seen one on 'Top Gear'. Jeremy Clarkson said it were like making love to your next door neighbour.. 'a thrilling ride and looks great coming up your driveway', summat like that anyway'. Yaxley grimaced, as a Ford Escort driver he wasn't interested in the machismo of fast cars. 'I don't suppose you remember the registration number Brian ?' Worthington looked up, 'Err, no. Sorry Yaxley'. On the off chance, Yaxley reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. He removed it from it's leather case and was more than a little surprised to find a dry phone. He dialled 999 and barked 'Ealham Police Station, please. I need a Helicopter'.
