For the third time in two days, Yaxley Farcett was sitting in the plastic splendour of 'Like Chips In The Night'. Brian Worthington was sitting opposite him, wending his way through a burger, which bore a strange resemblance to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Gripped tightly between Brian's shovel-like hands, the burger was poised to enter the gaping entrance of his mouth. As he leaned forward to take a gargantuan bite from his extremely fast food, a shout filled the air from the other side of the room. A little girl, of around five years of age, was screaming. She threw a toy on the floor closely followed by herself and then began to kick her feet up and down in frustration. The girl's mother quickly got up and scuttled round to the prostrate child. 'Get up Gwyneth' she asked calmly, 'It's a nice toy.... look' and she picked up the sorry looking plastic replica of a giraffe with a short neck. 
Whereas McDonalds promote the latest Disney film, the East Anglian chain of 'Like Chips' had managed to secure sole promotional rights for a 'straight to Video' animated film from Belgium called 'The Little Giraffe'. And, as any parent knows, no self-respecting five-year-old is going to turn up at school with Godfrey the Giraffe when the latest Disney Superstar is available at McDonalds. So, young Gywneth decided to use some non-violent protest tactics. Her father, Kevin, sat quietly munching on his 'Chicken Nites Burger', feeling some sympathy for his, now screeching, daughter. He actually preferred the original southern fried chicken. The 'Like Chips' version was pretty naff, he thought. In fact he was quite a connoisseur of 'southern' fried chicken 'a likes and sad to behold, he kept a list of their names as it never ceased to amaze him at the lengths fast food joints would go to make their 'product' sound similar to Colonel Sanders. There was even a greasy joint in Hadlode called 'Len Tucky's Fried Chicken', which was his favourite. What he didn't know was (and this wouldn't have surprised Yaxley) that Brian had actually been to school with Len Tucky.
Brian ignored the child's screaming and worked his way through the burger, portions of lettuce, gherkin and traces of mayonnaise attaching themselves to his ample chin. Yaxley slowly nibbled his chips and left his burger for last.
As he was eating a particularly long chip an inch at a time, he was aware of someone sitting down heavily in the chair opposite him, squeezing into the space beside an equally surprised Brian. 'My God, you can snore Yaxley Farcett ' exclaimed Fiona Morgan, now without her 'Like Chips' outfit on. Her hair was pulled tightly back across her forehead and 
she had put a subtle amount of make up on. Just enough for Yaxley to notice, that is. Brian turned his head and gave Yaxley a dirty grin, which he ignored. 'Yeah. I do, apparently' he replied, as coolly as he could. He was actually pleased as he could sense his 'bloke o'meter' rating increase by the second. He noticed that Clive Lancaster was looking over at their table, trying to see what the Barnham trio was up to. Yaxley pushed his chips across the table. 'D'you want one ?' he asked. Fiona grimaced and informed Yaxley that she didn't want one of the bloody things. After all, she'd been in the kitchens. Further more, she added, she was watching her figure. At that point, both Yaxley and Brian coughed in embarrassment, as that was exactly what they'd been doing.
she had put a subtle amount of make up on. Just enough for Yaxley to notice, that is. Brian turned his head and gave Yaxley a dirty grin, which he ignored. 'Yeah. I do, apparently' he replied, as coolly as he could. He was actually pleased as he could sense his 'bloke o'meter' rating increase by the second. He noticed that Clive Lancaster was looking over at their table, trying to see what the Barnham trio was up to. Yaxley pushed his chips across the table. 'D'you want one ?' he asked. Fiona grimaced and informed Yaxley that she didn't want one of the bloody things. After all, she'd been in the kitchens. Further more, she added, she was watching her figure. At that point, both Yaxley and Brian coughed in embarrassment, as that was exactly what they'd been doing. Yaxley waited until Brian had finished his burger and asked him to go and fill the car up with petrol. 'Can't we get it on the way back to The Skaters ?' asked Brian. Yaxley inclined his head towards Fiona and said in a 'bugger off Brian' tone, 'Nooo Brian. I can't. So...can...you...fill...the...car...with...petrol. Please.' Worthington looked from Fiona to Farcett and suddenly the penny dropped. 'Ahhh, Yis. Righty Ho. I'll see yew outside later'.
Yaxley looked down at his congealing food and thought of what Fiona had said. He cleared the table of the mess of partially eaten burger and chips and returned with two cups of coffee in real cups, which he had managed to wheedle out of Lucille Hall. He sat down again opposite Fiona and sighed. 'There you go. Real cups for a real girl' and he smiled his winningest smile.
'You still snore like a bear you know' she laughed. 'You won't get round me with a cup of coffee. I hardly slept last night on that lumpy bed of yours with you waking me up every five minutes with your SNNNRRRRGGGGHH !' and Fiona did a passable imitation of Yaxley's snoring at high volume, attracting the attention of the Burger munching restaurant. Yaxley grinned and when Fiona had finished embarrassing him, he said firmly, 'Fiona. I need to know some things about your Dad'.
